sâmbătă, 8 septembrie 2012

Learned lessons

It's my Birthday today...a Birthday I didn't really want to celebrate, a Birthday that comes after a year of unimaginable changes in my life, changes that I really didn't expect or want, but...life doesn't always give you the best package of hopes, dreams, friends, love-ones just like that. Sometimes you have to earn them, to fight for them, or... to learn to let go.

I learn in a year, I guess, more than I learned in the last 10, I wish that all those facts about life didn't have to come  and hit me like a big tzunami, but probably somehow I ran out of time...and it had to be done. As I always said, I know everything happens for a reason, it must be a reason for this too.

So this is what I learned:

-  that the ONE - that special man- comes at one point in your life and might go, so always count on yourself.

- that friends may become in a way your family

-  that the most valuable things in life are: knowledge and health, not money.

- that you should be more worried not to lose yourself instead of fearing you might be heartbroken

-  that there are things you can't forgive about yourself no matter what others will say or how much time passes.

-  that you can cry an ocean of tears and still feel the same pain as before, so you'd better do something about yourself instead of crying!

-  that second chances are not always what you expect them to be.

-  that people make big mistakes but they don't always intend to hurt you, maybe sometimes they are just confused or lost.

- that the things you fear the most will happen to you unless you find the strenght not to be afraid anymore.

- that you are never alone and that angels exist, but sometimes we are too blind to see that.

- that the truth doesn't always set you free, sometimes it kills everything.

- that people change and feelings change and no matter how much it hurts you'd better accept it! There's no one to blame for that!

-that you don't choose the people that stay in your heart, your soul does.

- that sometimes is easier to forgive someone else then yourself.

- that when something that hurts you badly happens, you don't have to ask "why?", but "what can I do to make it better?"

- that we have two ears and just one mouth for a reason, but somehow we keep failling to remember that we need to listen more.

-that everytime you step out of your confort zone you become stronger and wiser!

joi, 6 septembrie 2012

the letter

My dearest,
I know you since you were born...I have been there since your first heartbeat, felt every emotion, every rush, every guilt, every mistake and every moment of joy. I hated your brain for some of the decisions he made, I blamed your soul for being sometimes weak and I wanted to speak to you for so long...but I never knew how.

I know you are in pain, I feel every little thought and I can see how the guilt suffocates you sometimes...I know how much you miss the ones you're away from, I know how much you wish things were different...
But life is a journey and you don't always have the choice in your hands, even if your brain thinks otherwise, sometimes someone else decides and changes the course of your life. Sometimes you make mistakes in order to see  how lost you are, how far away from yourself you swam...and you have to realize that the first and most important thing is to take care of yourself.

There is no hidden purpose in life, YOU are the purpose, your journey, your emotional developement, the understanding of yourself, of your so called errors , all those are the purpose. The mistakes you make have a reason...like everything in life...you know, you loose someone to understand your weakneses and if you're strong enough you will hurt, you will mourn, you will adjust, you will change and you will be again in balance. But my dear girl, never ever try to find your balance in someone else.

I know the way you love...the way you loose yourself, the way you want to give all your soul, to sacrifice everything you are so you could be loved in return and when you loose the love of the other one, you feel like you just died. My silly little girl...love doesn't come with sacrifices, or with fear, or with changing your entire way of being!

Love is acceptance and giving without asking for anything in return, you have it or you don't! There's no barganing involved. You dont have to struggle, to try so hard, to beat yourself...no, you just have to be yourself. I am not saying that in life you shoudn't aim for perfection, but not in love.

I just want to ask you one thing: please...in the future don't accept any less then to be loved in return, cause I know how much you have to give and I also know that's all you need.

Stay strong, wake up in the morning and let time do his job...you will be healed, even though we both know there will always be scars left.

With all my love,
Your heart.

marți, 20 martie 2012



Oare poti pierde complet o persoana si totusi sa o ai langa tine?
Asta e intrebarea care ma roade pe mine de ceva vreme...
Si de ceva vreme...vreo 6 luni jumate is pe un alt continent, intr-o alta lume, inconjurata de alti oameni care au cu totul alte obiceiuri si vorbesc cu totul alta limba.
Nu mai sufar pentru ca am plecat...intr-un final glorios am inteles ca asta trebuia sa mi se intample si ca pana la urma e inspre binele meu...insa mi-am dat seama ca am luat niste decizii incredibil de gresite...pana sa ajung la concluzia asta. Insa...poate ca asta trebuia sa mi se intample...
Mi-a zis la un moment cineva ca sunt norocoasa...sunt norocoasa si proasta in acelasi timp...proasta pentru ca trebuie sa dau cu capul pana pic in fund ca sa invat ceva si norocoasa ca desi am fost proasta nu am pierdut chiar totul.
Si paradoxul e ca lumea din jur se uita la mine si ma vede o persoana de treaba si buna si sufletista...Oameni buni...nu e asa...si o spun public...SUNT O PROASTA SI O EGOISTA....dar intentionez sa ma schimb...si poate intr-o zi ...cu un pic de noroc si ceva intelepciune  am  sa fiu ceea ce vede lumea in mine.
Si cand asta se va intampla probabil ca voi stii daca poti sa pierzi complet o persoana si cumva.. . printr-un miracol sa o aduci inapoi.
Imi pare rau...